Screen Door Welcomes, But Southern Hospitality Not On The Menu

The original review is long overdue for posting. The Screen Door was originally visited Labor Day Weekend of 2006 (so timeliness isn't one of my strong points)....

Today's posting is a review of a new addition to Portland's breakfast scene - The Screen Door. Located in a former furniture (Sofa, Table, Chair) store on East Burnside, the restaurant is wide open making it comfortable, low-key and oh-so-Portland-chic at the same time. The menu follows the same path that is common-place (and celebrated) in Portland. One part single-minded infatuation with an idea/aesthetic and one part DIY, blend together and bake on high for a few hours. The idea here, Southern home cookin'. And they defend it as you would your momma. Whatever you do, don't you dare comment on the grits' viscosity, just don't OK, trust me (see below).

Getting back to the interior, my favorite part was the mason jars filled with marinated yummies. I was quite tempted to crack one open, but I held back. I was also pleased to see the assortment of condiments awaiting us. Good ol' Crystal sauce, Tabasco and homemade vinegared peppers. This sure got my tastebuds dancing with anticipation of how I might employ these goodies.

Sorry, now back to the menu and the food. The menu, a one sided affair was chock full of options. Perhaps too many. In this reviewer's opinion, I'd want to limit the choices considerably to bring focus to the dining experience and to creating a consistent, even product from the kitchen. There were highs and lows. Locally cured bacon, yummy french toast (good to great); Other items, not so much.

I will return to this restaurant. I feel I owe it to 'em. I'm curious to see if this interesting concept hits its stride and can survive the vicious Portland restaurant industry. I'm rooting for you screen door. But like the Little Engine That Could, you'll need to get over that hill on your own accord.

So, that leads me to the defensive server from Maryland, who is a self described expert on Southern cooking (clearly not Southern hospitality). When my wife was non-plussed with her grits, the restaurant manager elected to waive the cost from our bill - very generous and unexpected. However, with an exaggerated roll of the eyes and patronizing tone, our server began to tell us how our opinions were wrong. Even though Maryland was a slave state and the Battle of Antietam was waged on her soil, Maryland never did secede from the Union. Why bring up this fact? I'm just trying to ascertain what made our server an expert on the South's rich culinary heritage? Please loyal readers, help me understand this with any comments you are driven to post.

Blue Moon Over Summit County

Because your faithful reviewer was out of town on a recent business trip to Colorado, he was unable to file a report on any local Portland b-fast joints. So, here's a report from afar....

On a quick stop before we headed up for a hike atop Loveland Pass, our local guides (Tom & Corrie) directed us to the Blue Moon Bakery in Dillon/Silverthorne, Colorado. In a relatively non-descript stripmall in this mountain town lies the bakery. Its breakfast menu was succinct offering up a healthy variety of breakfast bagel sandwiches and breakfast burritos. Its atmosphere was deli all the way...direct/abrupt service at the counter. It was every man for themselves as the place was hopping with Sunday morning traffic.

The ordering was fast and efficient, and very do it yourself. Condiments? Pick 'em up at the condiment bar. Cutlery? Get it yourself. Buss your own table? You better or else. Service was on par with what you'd expect out of a mountain town. Employers are lucky just to get an employee to come off of the slopes long enough to clock in. Friendliness to the tourists is the last of their priorities. But, after three days back in the mountains, I had grown numb to this reality.

Food came fast and hot, keeping with the strategy of get 'em in, take their money and get the food to 'em quick so we can fit a few more tourists in before the season ends (and the stream of money along with it). These breakfast sandwiches were almost as good as Dave K's and the freshly baked boiled bagels were dense and chewy. Overall, it was the perfect pre-hike caloric jolt - carbs, protein and cheese!

We'll head back to the Blue Moon Bakery as soon as we're able - especially if our guides Tom and Corrie come along. For the companionship of these friends, we can only hope it won't be for another blue moon until we return.

The Genesis of Brunch

Slate has a posting on the birth of brunch...can New York lay claim? Please don't assume I'm trying to infer our little town has anything to do with it. Nope, we Portlanders just celebrate it and flaunt it from nearly every street corner.

Look for more reviews coming soon (an out of town submission and a new report on a local joint).

PS - I/Portland needs a real Jewish deli to review (Kornblatt's just doesn't do it for me). Before I get verklemped, I'll sign off.

Genies Cafe Fulfills Every Wish

So here we are at entry number two of what we hope will be a continuing journal of reviews. But, after our reviewers' meal today, it could very well be the last. Why even try to best this spot?

Genies Cafe is near perfect. I stopped here as part of my Sunday morning ride and met my beautiful co-reviewer to conduct our inspection. Being Sunday the waiting list was lengthy and to be expected. Though many in the restaurant industry would say weekend's are not the time to truly taste how a restaurant can perform, I believe our testing should take place during the peaks. If you can deliver excellent food and service while in the midst of a jail-break blitz, then you are held in this reviewer's highest esteem.

First impressions were nice. Seemed the interior was a touch of camp mixed with mid-century minimalist. Mind you, this theme was not over the top, so the lack of pretension was appreciated. There was a help-yourself coffee station set up serving Portland's own Stumptown Coffee. Not sure if Duane is still roasting the coffee 30 or so blocks away, but the flavor that drained from the airpots was superior.

Yes, the wait was long, but it was exacerbated by my co-reviewer. Timeliness isn't one of her best qualities. This resulted in needing to turn down our table when it was first available. I can only hope the hungry throngs waiting appreciated the gesture.

While being sat, the greatest first impression was the friendliness of the hostess and our server. Smiles all around, full of smart recommendations and extremely knowledgeable about the food served. For instance, on the menu they don't tout the organic, cage-free eggs used, nor the meats from Portland's own Sam The Butcher, Viande Meats.

Now for the food (that got served no more than 15 minutes after being ordered). I had a scramble of chorizo, cheese, scallions and house-made salsa and a side of their Potatoes O'brien. These diced gems are griddled with onion and other spices to create something straight out of a dream. The piping hot scramble's eggs were light and fluffy, and barely hid the ample chunks of spicy sausage. The salsa added a cool and spicy topping as delicious complement - no Tapatio or Tabasco needed here.

My partner went with one of the four versions of Eggs Benedict offered. The hollandaise was sublime -simultaneously rich and light (editor's note: as a food reviewer I am now officially licensed to use words like "sublime". Read further and you'll see I use "superlative" without even batting an eye), it clinged to each hulking mound. The kitchen accidentally gave her the wrong potatoes and the plate was whisked away with grace (and without a touch of attitude) and returned in the blink of an eye with the right stuff.

Among the other offerings that make this place superlative is a full bar to give you a bit of the hair of the dog. This includes their own version of a redeye called the Montana Breakfast (High Life and tomato juice). For those looking for more homespun choices can go for granola with Nancy's yogurt or good ol' Bob's Red Mill Oatmeal served up with a diverse choice of toppings.

My only struggle in reviewing Genies is how to classify it. Organic and local ingredients. Strong, bold coffee. Low pretension environment. Genies exists somewhere in between the gaps of so many other slabtown offerings. This is one place this reviewer cannot wait to return to. From the long lines, and many other online glowing reviews, I'll happily join the loyal ranks.

Grower Street Bistro's French Flair (Service Laissez-Faire)

To cap off a romantic overnight in Cannon Beach, we celebrated with brunch at the Gower Street Bistro on a delightful sunny Sunday. This French style bistro shares the ground floor of the Cannon Beach Hotel which shares in it's simple light and bright decor. As we waited for 10 or more minutes for service we commented on the nice wide plank flooring and tile inlay. After we placed a coffee order (one cup brewed, one cappucchino), we commented on the tin ceiling, the beautiful flowers outside, discussed current events and some 25 minutes later both drinks arrived. The server then returned to take our orders. Another 20 minutes later the food arrived.

Simple preparations with a French/Northwest twist. It seemed like mostly boutique/artisan-style ingredients were used. A big plus. The portions didn't overwhelm us, but at the same time there seemed to be enough served to savor. The roasted new potatoes weren't so much roasted as they were warmed, oiled, herbed and limply presented. And the sour dough bread was lightly buttered and similarly toasted (we'll come back to this point).

Now for those of you who read the Ground Rules know a few of the criteria used when critiquing.
1) Coffee - Coffee was fine. Not great, but fine. Plus, the 25 minute wait sure didn't help their rating. Fortunatly, the friendly folks over at the Sleepy Monk got us what we needed when brunch finaly got put out of its misery.
2) Vegetarian Menu Items - The vegetarian quiche was served with a side salad garnished with panchetta. I believe ham is a type of meat, even if it has a fancy multisyllabic Italian name. This clearly pissed off Amber, therefore a major rule violation.

Sure, rule violations are rule violations, but here's the kicker (though splitting hairs, I believe there's a principle at stake here). The reviewer's entree came with the choice of bread or potatoes. 1st: this shouldn't be an ultimatum. The reviewer believes it's a god-given right to get both. But, I digress; 2nd: the ala carte price of the bread was $2 and the potatoes $3.50.

When I ordered, I chose the potatoes and later asked for the sour dough bread - clearly expecting to be charged extra. But, when the bill finaly arrived (it was the most prompt item served us), we had been charged the ala carte price for the potatoes! Now if this restaurant is struggling so much for that $1.50 of extra revenue that it needs to bait-and-switch its patrons - then I'm happy to help them. However, after such slow service, I can only imagine why they're in such dire straits.

Go to this restaurant if you like bistro-style interior decoration as a complement to regional/sustainable cuisine. Just be prepared for laissez-faire service.

Ground Rules

Along with bridges, fountains and roses, Portland has a preponderance of fantastic breakfast joints of all shapes and sizes. This blog will work to discern the good from the bad, the unique from the cookie-cutter, and in other words, give you a sense of security and safety when attempting to find sustenance or trying to quell that morning after effect.

The editor and publisher is clearly biased and has too little journalistic integrity to even attempt to offer "fair and balanced" coverage. The entries herein will reflect such a slant. Opinions of others are appreciated, will be regarded, but may be put aside or plainly mocked. We're still in the middle of formulating a consistent criteria (a la Zagat), but loosely, here are some things that help and/or act as a hindrance (in no particular order) to a good review:

• Coffee should be good. Good. Meaning muddy, viscous and chewy. Good. Also meaning you're picking delicious grounds from your teeth for hours after that first cup. Good. Where you feel as if you've free-based the dried adrenal glands of rhesus monkeys. Point made? Let's move on.
  
• Service. As someone who spent seven years in food service, I can't believe how appreciative I am of great service in this town. When delivered, it can make the most disgusting dish palatable, if not delicious. It's surprizing where good (or bad) service can be found in this town. To protect the innocent (at least for this entry) I shall not divulge further.
  
• Menu Selection. Most places should have a healthy variety of dishes on their menu for omnivores and herbivores alike. Though the editor is an omnivore, the editor cannot stand the pouting he gets from his significant other when there's "nothing I can eat" on the menu. In fact, a review may be negatively effected by any squabbles between the editor and his partner that can be attributed to this lack of selection. So, for the editor's well being, this too must be accomodated for.

So, that's it for now. If other criteria comes to mind, management reserves the right to revise this list at will.